Hello? Is It Me You're Looking for? — And It Will Be Lovely

Hi friends! I am back! I am sorry I've been so MIA the past two months!!

The primary reason I've been so quiet on dis blog is because I'm PREGNANT!

Who are we kidding, it's probably a girl.

And by "pregnant" I mean "sitting around eating, sleeping and complaining about how I wish I was eating or sleeping." This first trimester has really taken it out of me. Normally I can hang pretty OK but this time around...WOOF. I've been surviving on a steady rotation of: 1. unflattering Lularoe leggings (yes I have faces of pug dogs stretched across my thighs and yes I AM COMFORTABLE). 2. KRAFT mac & cheese (NOT that Velveeta nonsense. That is for peasants. I prefer my cheese POWDERY, A THANK YOU) (Sponge Bob Square Pants shaped preferred, obvi.) 3. Wiping my hormonal tears away with my spring cocktail napkins. As you can imagine I've been a complete dream to work with.

But alas, I'm slowly coming out of my haze and blogging now seems a lot more appealing than laying on the couch watching another SNAPPED marathon. Barely. But it does. I've missed writing about heavy and important topics like cocktail napkins, glam bags, my Halloween scroogeness, and most importantly, Nick Viall and his insistence on wearing booty shorts. Which brings me to a question. The Bachelorette is starting at the end of this month...Do you want me to do episode recaps?? Please leave me a comment with your thoughts. The posts are fun to write but can be a labor love. (read: a lot of rewinding and pausing) HOWEVER, it's worth it if you'll read them and like them and love me. So please let me know!

I did manage to lift myself off the couch one or two times the last few months. In March, Joel and I gave a talk at the George Washington University Catholic Student Center. The priest there has become a good friend and asked us to speak to the students on the topic Why Not: Contraception (as in WHY NOT TO DO IT not WHY NOT GIVE IT A TRY!! Get it?)

We've spoken to college kids before and they're always so freaking nice and sweet. This group was no exception. SO LOVELY! And smart. Like way smarter than me when I was in college. Every time we talk to these youths I'm like step 1. you're a better human than me. step 2. you're smarter than me. step 3. that is all goodbye. (Editor's Note: I've actually added a tab in the menu bar called Speaking Engagements. It lists all the talks we've given so far. Hire us. We come at the low low price of free.)

OK so before we gave our talk we decided we should head into the city early and grab dinner. So youthful right?!?! Now, I'm going to set the stage for you with something that is just a FACT OF LIFE. I AM NOT COOL ENOUGH FOR D.C. THERE. I said it. I am not cool enough to be a pedestrian. Someone who just "WALKS AROUND to get to their destination." Like, no. (Editor's Note: When I was little my brother and sister used to call me a pedestrian to get under my skin. Like, "Char, you're being such a pedestrian." Since I had no idea what it was I would get TRES mad. Evidently this has carried over to adulthood and my inability to actually be one.) I am not cool enough to maneuver around the earth sans the comfort of my minivan. I get nervous. I'm very suburban, you see. I like my Targets right where I can see them....a few clicks away from my van, which is conveniently parked in a very flat, LARGE, unobstruced, parking lot. These are my confessions. So after parking and walking three (insecure) locks we found the student center, and right next door was a kitschy looking pizza place. Perfect! Pizza is the glue that holds us all together, after all.

Well. It all started with the fact the only seats available were at the bar. Bad. My body and stools don't work well together. The butt to seat ratio seldom works in my favor. BUT I'm a survivor so we sit down. But it's quite tight. It's Happy Hour and we are elbow to elbow with cool D.C. people. And I'm wearing animal print so my look is already screaming, "I'M NOT A REGULAR SUBURBAN MOM, I'M A COOL SUBURBAN MOM!" And did I mention we had to actually WORK ON the talk because we are both procrastinators? So we had like LUGGAGE with us. Papers, computers, pens, AND BOOKS. Joel brought 7 copies of 21 Secrets For A Happy & Healthy Marriage with him. FOR A BUNCH OF NOT MARRIED 19 YEAR OLDS. (?!!!?!??) And the book Resisting Happiness. Like why WOULDN'T YOU WANT TO SIT NEXT TO UPLIFTING PEOPLE LIKE US!??!?! He plops down his library on the bar and you could feel the BREEZE from everyone's heads turning to see what they were. The woman next to Joel was side eyeing so hard I thought she was actually looking into her own brain. And because Joel is amazing and gives zero fs about anything, he's just drinking his beer with not a care in the world. Meanwhile I can't even have a glass 'o wine to make me feel less awko taco so I'm like

And it gets worse...now we have to edit the talk. I'm not pleased to report to you that our notes were printed in size 22 RED FONT. (A public speaking #protip we learned is making your font size 22, color coded and printed in the landscape setting). So out come the notes and in giant red letters it's like THE NO NOs OF CONTRACEPTION!!!!!!!!!!! Well this will surely be the way to WIN FRIENDS AND INFLUENCE THESE COOL HIPSTERS. I was dying. Mainly because I know I'd TOTALLY be reading over someone's shoulder if I saw them with all this stuff. I'm nosy af. And who saddles up to a bar with a small library on their person??? This was not the introduction I was hoping to make on the chick next to me drinking her Moscow Mule. I was covering my paper like I used to in 5th grade when I thought peeps be trying to copy me on spelling tests. (spoiler alert: no one was copying me. Trust & Believe.) Basically I wish I could have just had one of those voter forts.

Anyway we (and by we I mean "I" because let's face it Joel was loving the whole situation) got through it. It was probably worse in my head than in actuality, but as I write this now I can still feel all of them with their D.C. swag being like

On a much more serious note, another reason I've taken a break from the blog was the recent passing of my aunt Kate. I'm sure many of you already know but she died on April 23rd after a battle with lung cancer. There have been many amazing tributes to her around the internet. It's been so lovely to read how she impacted people on a professional, personal and most impressively, a spiritual level. I wrote a brief tribute to her on my Instagram but I'd be remiss if I didn't share it here too.

I have to say that my aunt Kate was just The Best. She was so smart and so funny and so. so. cool. If you met her, you'd never ever forget her. AND she was the best online shopper I've ever known. Gilt and Ruelala were her specialties. She would show me something on her iPad and I can hear her saying now, "Charley you TOTALLYYYYY need this!" And I'd be like, "I do?" And she would say in her one of a kind voice, "yeeeeeessssss!!" And so I would get whatever she told me to get. Because it was Kate Approved™. And she was #goals.

When I told Felicity of her passing she was sad and said, "I'll miss eating hotdogs with her and sitting by her pool." Kate loved my kids and loved when we would visit. She always had the best hotdogs. And homemade everything, natch. Ina Garten was her homegirl...and Kate was a fabulous cook. I will miss how she treated me like a daughter. I will miss how she loved my mom and called her DeDe. I will miss how if she saw me across the room at a party, she'd point right at me and do a "come here" with her fingers. I was always excited to stop, drop and roll on over to her and whatever juicy scoop she was about to give me. I will miss shooting her emails asking about hostess advice (I come from a long line of OG hostesses, you see). I will miss getting her emails with a lovely, hand selected, Kate Approved™ item, just a click away. I will miss her generosity. I will miss making her laugh because it always made me feel really legit. I will just really really miss her. She REALLY WAS Kate The Great.

A quick thank you to everyone whose been praying for our family. It's been an emotional few weeks. Kate was so loved and admired. We will miss her greatly.

There have certainly been some highs and lows the last few months. Thank you to everyone whose stuck with me, and those who messaged and texted me saying you missed my posts. It warmed my heart and also made me feel really popular. Huzzah! I enjoy writing and hopefully making you laugh!!

I'll be back later this week with another installment of Take 5. Meanwhile comment about on the idea of Bachelorette posts. Or tell me anything else you'd like to see!

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